Saturday

Today we are going to the Discovery Museum in Sausalito. We are meeting friends there. I am exhausted and would prefer to disappear under a pillow for several hours. Under a pillow and blankets. I am grumpy from being up half the night. I am resentful of having to be a parent every day and not having a break built in anywhere. And then I feel super guilty and scared for even thinking such a thing. I am so lucky to be a parent and blah, blah, blah.

What I need is a visit to The Ranch for a week and then all would be well. If it weren't for the cost and the ability to disappear for a week...crap. I have memories of peace and wellbeing. Its been years.
In the meantime, I get the kids dressed, get them fed, sort of, pack a diaper/food bag...sneak of for a quick blog. I hear crying in the background and just want to sleep.

I think I am feeling crappy today for several reasons. No sleep or down time, constant crying in the back and fore ground...and all the emotional residue from this past week. I am also reading a book that is great, funny and really difficult emotionally. I think I am carrying that as well.

Its time to re-enter my life. I must close out this blog and get up from my twirly chair. I must open the office door and enter the fray of loudness, high voices, tired boys. Once on our way, it'll be fine, even fun. I just need to embrace the crazed energy of my boys.