Holes

This is a picture of BZ in the hole that is next door. I am standing at the spot where the door of the house will be, taking the photo. BZ is standing about 3/4 of the way to the end of the floor plan. Its going to be MASSIVE. I think he is standing on the second floor. This hole, this giant ditch was dug up next to our house over a month ago. What happens when the rains come? Will our house come down?




My Great-aunt Mary K. had Alzheimer's, which is basically a disease that makes swiss cheese of your brain. Back in the day, she was a genius (literally) and worked as an economist, worked in the White House (with several administrations), was a published author. She was a rock star of feminism before it was called feminism. She fought for day cares and child care to be provided for all children and helped to create Head Start. Her diseased behavior was frustrating and hard to understand. I think it was because everyone wanted the old Mary back, they missed her. She lost the capacity to recognize very ordinary things like names of food on her plate.


I have fear of what I cannot control. I cannot control whether or not the next door neighbor (well, there is no door) will come and build his damned house or not. Will my house and my family be put in danger if a gigantic gaping hole is left to flood? I have no idea and there is basically nothing I can do about it but worry and complain.

I have a fear of all this illness and loss around me. I know that life just happens but I have no control other than to attempt a healthy and loving life and hope that my children outlast me. I can offer support and love for those who aren't as lucky as we are at this moment. I guess that's the best I can do.