Emotional hangover

I feel slow. Everything is in slow motion. I am not exactly nauseous but many things make me gag. I am exhausted even though I had 9 hours of sleep. Perhaps I could use an additional 53 hours to make up for the recent loss these last few months or really, years.

I'm glad to have the day set aside for paperwork and highlighting. I don't have a lot to give out so its best not to try and fake it in nice clothing. And, its important to hide the gray locks for a few more years. I am vain. Even during, especially during an emotional hangover.

diapers, dealers and day dreaming

This is mostly what I do. I talk and listen. I either sit in my office on the phone with clients or friends or I go to the stores and listen to all the excuses for why the meeting is canceled or why no one is showing up or why they have no time or why the sky is falling.

It gets tiring just listening and trying to be neutral. It can be energizing, when things are going well or when my listening actually leads to interesting conversations and ideas that move something, anything FORWARD. But much of the time it just seems disappointing. so many excuses for why something cannot be done. And, so much blame.

I look outside at the wind blowing through the trees and the blue sky and think...none of that crap matters. Why do I get so irritated? All I can think of is that it seems like a waste of precious minutes on Planet Earth to be listening to all the garbage.

Speaking of crap, we are back to potty training with Max. Stickers, prizes, high fives, tears and frustration. I don't know why I get so crazy about it but it has become such a power struggle. He just can't be bothered to think about it, he wants us to take care of all the "dirty" work. Can you blame him? YES. I'm working on it. Really.

BZ's pictures

Alright. I am overdoing this blog business. When work ramps up again, I am not sure I will have time to keep this up so, I am just getting a few extras in now.

Besides, I thought it would be cool to show a couple of BZ photos. He sure is a hottie, huh? BZ has been working day and night getting his studio ready for the first client this week. It looks great but still needs some final touches... sound panels have to go up, the diffuser has to go up. I have no idea what I am talking about but, this will be his work space and it is impressive. Soon I will post some studio build pics. We transformed the garage into a professional recording studio. Pretty amazing.

The drag is we (he) have/has been working though our anniversary (5 yrs), my birthday, etc to get it done. so I have been a bit, er, "pout-y" lately.

I can't wait for it to be done so we can start working a bit on the house. Actually, I'd love to just have time together to watch bad television.Does anyone say "television" any more? Or just TV. No time to waste, TV.

OK, so I remain very behind in my work and still can't concentrate enough to do it. Writing reports are just not fun. Either is being fired. Hmmm.

Bad haircut

All I wanted was a haircut but there was no time. I kept putting it off and then on my birthday I desperately called around to places I knew and places recommended. No one had availability. Then I went to a local crap place down in Montclair village that someone's mom recommended.
Shit.

Memorial Day

Its nice to be home. Its nice to take a shower. Clean. Some take a daily shower for granted. I do not. It looks like a beautiful day is on its way. From my office window, the sun is coming through the trees. Dappling. Is that the right word. The sun "dapples?" I don't think so. Not exactly.

Speaking of grammar and spelling, my dad says that my page name should be Shangra La instead of Shangra-la. He's probably right of course. He is my dad. Dad's just know. That's what we tell Max anyway. We don't bother with Aiden yet. He'll just smile and spit out pieces of rice cake.

Boys are sleeping

I must write quickly since my time is so dear. Both boys are sleeping which is amazing in the middle of the day. I am exhausted but...feel like it is a waste to sleep when I could be...blogging! Or, selling crap on Ebay or getting my work done. I choose my new art form of this blog fest.

I babysat last night for my co-op here in Oakland, which is a cool barter thing but...I realized that I just wanted to be home with my kids, not someone else's. I wanted to be in my house, eating my snacks, not rummaging guiltily through someone else's fridge. Weird. Flash back to high school.

My first post

Eek. A blog. Here I am. Blogging. I should be doing something important like...work, cleaning, sitting in the sun. I am blogging. I barely really understand the concept but then even Kim had a blog. And then Linda. I am a copy cat.

So why the picture of a cat? Well, that is Clara. Clara was my cat for over 13 years and now she is gone because I left the door open to the back patio of our new house on moving day. Clara went exploring and never came back. You can't really blame her. Its beautiful out here and she probably found better food at the neighbor's house. Man, it sure makes me sad thinking about it and seeing her picture. The guilt is still there but mostly sadness.

Aak! This is not supposed to be sad on the first official blog! I clearly need Blog training.